Stay or Leave by The School of Life

Whether we should stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most consequential and painful decisions we are ever likely to confront: few other issues will have such power to trouble us.

Whether we should stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most consequential and painful decisions we are ever likely to confront: few other issues will have such power to trouble us.

What makes the issue so hard is that there are no fixed rules for judgement. How can we tell whether a relationship is ‘good enough’ or plain wrong? How do we draw the line between justified longing and naivety? Is sex vital or could it be foregone? Does someone ‘better’ actually exist? How much should the feelings of children be counted (and what might they be in the long term)? Could one’s partner change, perhaps with therapy, or should one assume that who they are now is who they will always be?

All these questions typically haunt our minds as we weigh up whether to stay or go. With no axe to grind or ideology to promote, this book walks the reader gently through their options and opens their mind to perspectives they might not have considered. The goal is to help clarify what the reader wants deep down so the answer that emerges will be properly attuned to their unique circumstances and (often very private) aspirations. Here is a tool that carries the promise of the clearer and less compromised future we deserve.

This book aims to take the reader towards a time, presently hard to imagine, when the choice will no longer feel so agonising. Using its lessons, we can understand ourselves deeply, consider our options, minimise our regrets and find the way ahead.

Chapters include:

• Are we just too different?
• Are my expectations too high?
• Is it OK to compromise?
• How do I find closure?